I don't post on here much anymore but I thought I would share my VBAC birth story to help encourage some moms going for a VBAC it is very long but I didn't want to forget anything. The birth of Logan Alexander June 12th 2010 Background My little man’s birth story actually begins almost 3 years ago as I was pregnant with my 1st amazing son. While pregnant I read countless books on pregnancy and very little on birth always skipping the chapter on c-sections because that was not going to apply to me, I was NOT having a c-section. And I did not even want to see a book on natural childbirth what kind of hippie would do that it’s not like you get a metal I wanted the epidural as soon as it was allowed. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful until around 24 weeks when I was told I had gestational diabetes however, even after despite a few extra doctors and perinatologist appointments (which I actually welcomed as I thought they helped pass the time) nothing really changed. Then when I was around 35 weeks I was told the amniotic fluid was low, I was put into the hospital for 1 night and given IV fluids the next day the fluid level was back to normal. Everything again was fine for a couple of weeks until 37 weeks 6 days when another ultrasound showed the fluid was again low. I was told to come to the hospital that night for induction. I was scared but also really excited I was going to get to hold my baby. After a night of cervadil, a day of pitocin and 2.5 hours of pushing (during which my feet were in stirrups and I was told repeatedly that I was “not doing it right”) I signed the consent form for the c-section. I was convinced I just could not do it. I began to panic and was given medication which caused me to have no memory of the birth. I awoke in a room with a nurse and after asking if I had my baby, if he was ok and where he was the next thing I asked was “can I still have 4 babies.” She must have thought I was crazy but that’s all I could think about was I had jeopardized my chance of having the family I wanted, I asked my OB a similar question at my 6 week check up to which her reply was “we can’t stop you from getting pregnant.” I did not see my son for almost 5 hours after he was born. After the surgery I told myself and everyone else he was just too big (8lbs 8ozs) it just wasn’t going to happen. Baby #2 is on the way! Fast forward 18 months (to the day September 26 2009) I found out I was pregnant with baby #2. At my first prenatal appointment my new OB went over my history and then said “so with this one we will schedule a c-section at around 39 weeks.” I reluctantly said ok, I had read about VBACs and thought initially that any OB would at least let me try for a VBAC. (Looking back I am so grateful that the first OB I went to was so upfront because now I know many will lead you to believe that you can VBAC with them until late in the pregnancy) Even though I initially agreed to the repeat c-section something just didn’t feel right so I googled “VBAC” and I found the ICAN website which then led me to the ICAN of Atlanta forum. After reading many of the posts I knew I really didn’t want to have an elective repeat c-section so I searched all over the site looking for a proven VBAC provider close to me, there were none. So I settled on Intown Midwifery (with Margaret Strickhouser) because, although in Atlanta, it was the closest of the proven VBAC providers. All the while I continued to read over the ICAN of Atlanta forums and found a wealth of information and support. I had a few appointments with Margaret and Anjli both of whom I really liked and they both made me feel so confident that I could in face do this. Then around 25 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and although now I was even more “high risk” and I really did not care for the back-up OB used by Intown I decided to stay with them. However, then I discovered I was going to become insulin dependent and also that my little man was breech at 31 weeks (which I knew he still had plenty of time to turn but it was causing me a great amount of anxiety) and I decided what would be best for me was to switch to the infamous Dr. Tate. After reading the ICAN boards for so long I was really nervous going to my first appointment and felt like I was going to meet someone famous. My first appointment took about 3.5 hours but I felt so great after leaving there (for the record my little man turned before the appointment). And for the rest of my pregnancy I had only 1 appointment that took less than 2.5-3hours and that was my least favorite of all the appointments. I guess I just don’t get out much but I loved chatting with the women in the waiting room weather they were women I had “met” on the message boards or just whoever happened to be there (I have actually kept in touch with one women who was at a few of my appointments). As a matter of fact I miss my Dr. Tate appointments and I am looking forward to my 6 week check-up. One part I have left out of all of this is my doula, Tracy Cuneo, she was wonderful. She sent me a message when I first joined the message boards, when I was only 8-9weeks pregnant (maybe less) because we are from the same area and she knows about the pains of finding a good provider on the southside of Atlanta. After speaking with her I decided a doula was something I needed so we set up to meet. At the first meeting we clicked and my husband felt really comfortable with her (which was something I was worried about since none of us had even heard of a doula before this as a matter of fact my mom kept calling her a “dooda” haha). Tracy was there with me through my whole pregnancy, we had several meetings and she lent me wonderful books, gave great advice, and was always there for me to call. This pregnancy was one of the most amazing learning experiences of my life; I learned so much and have developed such a passion. I was finishing my final year of college throughout the pregnancy and had to force myself to put down my books on birth and close the message boards in order to study. Finally, let the labor begin… When I was only 37 weeks I went to the perinatologist and was given a NST where I was having contractions and the peri told me he didn’t think I would make it to my appointment the next week. Now this really messed with my head because now I just felt that labor was always imminent. I then went to my 38 weeks appointment where the ultrasound tech told me the baby was measuring almost 9lbs and if my OB just let me go without inducing me or doing a c-section this baby could be 11lbs or more, more mind games. My whole pregnancy I had known that given the proper chance with a good provider I could have pushed my 8lb 8oz son out now I was starting to doubt what if he was too big and this baby was definitely going to be too big. Well I made it to 39 weeks and then to the due date given to me by the first OB (June 6th which Dr. Tate later changed to the 10th after reviewing a 1st trimester ultrasound). On June 8th I had an appointment with Dr. Tate and he asked to check my cervix, initially I said I was not going to get cervical checks but I thought I don’t expect to be dilated at all but maybe this will get something started. He checked me and said I was 3-4cms and 30% effaced wait a minute what?? I could not believe what I just heard I just laid there wondered if I heard right he then asked if he could strip my membranes and since the cervical check was only mildly uncomfortable I said yes, it was slightly more uncomfortable but nothing too bad. He gave me my little paper that he gets you to bring back of forth back and left the room. I looked down at the paper just to make sure I heard right and it said it right there 3-4 cms, I got dressed and left and checked the paper again when I got in the car. I smiled the whole way home because I knew my body WAS doing something maybe all the pain I had been in was doing something. When I got home I told my husband I wasn’t being a baby the last couple of weeks because I had dilated to 3-4. I was having mild cramps the whole way home and when I got home I had some spotting and the cramping was getting a little more intense, I was pacing in the living room thinking maybe this was going to be it. Eventually the cramping stopped and I went to sleep, bummer. The next day was uneventful but then the 10th came (my due date) I woke up not feeling so great and when I went to the bathroom I lost my mucus plug, in my mind this definitely meant something was going to happen and if you asked my husband I might as well have already been in labor. I had a peri appointment that afternoon so I went anxious to see what the NST would show, which ended up being nothing one mild contraction in almost 20mins. The next day was Friday (June 11th) and a couple of week before I decided that every Friday I was still pregnant was going to be date night (a wonderful idea of Tracy’s) I had been updated the message boards periodically and had everyone munching popcorn for me so I decided to update to let everyone know that it probably was going to be a while because I was out and about. We went to Olive Garden where the waitress asked when my due date was and when I said yesterday she told me she had a 10 week old and that Olive Garden eggplant does not make you go in to labor because she tried for a few weeks (which we already knew as we had made scallinis eggplant at home the prior week J). I ordered a new chicken dish and we had a nice dinner then my husband wanted to go to Dicks while he looked at golf clubs I did laps around the store and then when we decided to go to Barnes and Noble I told him I wanted to walk the few stores over. It was so hot outside but we walked and then we walked around the book store. I got a book to read thinking maybe it will help me pass the time since I’m obviously not going into labor anytime soon. We picked up Nate and went home. We then went to bed as usual, which means my husband went to sleep and I tossed and turned while watching TV and getting up every 10 minutes to pee. Then around 1am I was freezing and started shaking, I checked my temperature which was 99.8 (not too unusual while I’m pregnant) but I went to take ibuprofen anyway. I went to lie back down and right before I went to sleep I had to run to the bathroom because I was having some very loose stools. I wouldn’t even let myself thing this is probably labor starting because I had thought that too many times that week. I got like 4 hours of spotty sleep before waking up just before 6 shaking again and suddenly I was having contractions, I woke my husband up because I was shaking the bed and I had my iPhone in hand timing contractions. He asked “how far apart are they?” And I told him “well this can’t be right because they are 2-3 minutes apart and that is not how they start”. I had a vision of what my labor was going to be like first I just knew I was going to go into labor at night not 6am and also my contractions were going to start out 8-10 minutes apart and I was going to walk etc to get them to come stronger and closer together. I told him I needed to see if they kept coming because this could just be prodromal labor because I hadn’t really had any yet and even after all that waiting I just couldn’t believe I could really be in labor. I could tell he was feeling me out because he had jokingly told me not to go into labor Saturday morning because his golf group was playing a course he really wanted to play, but he could tell that he was not going to go anywhere. I got in the shower because I was freezing I would stand under the water and when I contraction came I would tell Matt to start the timer and I would turn around hold onto the wall and let the water hit my back. Matt called Tracy just to let her know something was starting (I think it was almost 7 by now maybe 6:45). She wanted to talk to me so I got out of the shower and was standing in the bathroom and when I had a contraction I would lean on the counter and breathe deep. She said it was probably early labor and she would start getting ready but to call when I was going to need her. I was feeling pretty good at this point I was fine in between contractions (the song California gurls by Katy Perry was playing in my head which I told my husband and we laughed) and I would just breathe through them and keep going. I decided to try and call my mom but her home phone was not working (GREAT) so my husband decided to go over to her house (she lives like 15mins away). I told him to make sure to tell her not to panic and also to call his parents to come get our older son. Before he left I asked him to get me a drink, diet grape soda because I thought sugar would make me sick, well it made me sick anyway and I started to vomit. While he was gone the contractions started getting worse and now I was vocalizing them. I tried to sit on my birth ball after one contraction and immediately had another contraction, I kicked the ball away, I did not want to see that thing anymore. The contractions were coming every 2 minutes and then every 2nd or 3rd there would be one 30 seconds after the last. I tried getting in the shower again but did not like feeling boxed in so I almost immediately got out and told my husband to spread a towel on the bed where I laid on my side naked. I then told him to call Tracy and tell her I was losing it and I needed her here. I was having my husband run around doing all sorts of things like put random stuff in the car, I knew he liked to feel like he is doing something but I honestly didn’t want anyone around me at this point. I was panicking in my head my mind was racing thinking “there is no way this is even close to over and I can’t do this if I call Dr. Tate he is going to tell me to go to the hospital and if I’m at the hospital I will probably get an epidural because I can’t do this I just can’t there is no way.” Then I worried that I might need to be at the hospital and part of me just knew I need to go to the hospital because I was not even sure if I could make the car ride now. By this point I was screaming through every contraction (not at all being graceful). My husband called Dr. Tate and told him what was going on and he asked to talk to me right when my husband went to hand me the phone I felt a contraction coming and I threw the phone back to my husband and said screamed something like “tell him one minute” Dr. Tate heard me screaming and told my husband to take me to the hospital. I got up and I starting running to the bathroom to sit on the toilet during the contractions and I would punch the wall and scream. I tried to walk out of my room and immediately had to run to the hall bathroom. At some point my husband called Tracy to tell her to meet us at the hospital and now he was running around, I could tell he was starting to panic and I was trying to hold my composure but I just couldn’t. Then my mother, my mother-in-law and my father-in-law all walked in. At some point I had put on my birthing skirt and nursing tank top (which my big pregnant belly was hanging out of the bottom) my hair was sloppily put on top of my head. My husband was rushing my son down to my in laws but I wanted to hold my composure long enough to kiss him bye. He had just woke up and he cried a little when my husband first handed him over which made me feel bad. My husband told my mom we have to go to the hospital now and then I could tell she started to panic. She decided to ride with us and have my sister come up to take her home. I ordered (I was not at all being nice at this point) my husband to put a pillow on my seat with a towel over it (I thought the pillow would make the ride easier as sitting was the last thing I wanted to do and the towel was in case my water broke). I then went to get in the car and the pillow made the seat look entirely too high so I yelled at my husband to move it. We left the house at around 8:45 I had to lean towards my husband because I still could not imagine sitting on my bottom. I had 2 contractions before leaving my neighborhood and did not know how I was going to make the ride. I was screaming, punching the window and pulling on the visor. In my head I was thinking about how animals can stop their labor if they sense danger so I started trying to make myself “sense danger” which is now pretty comical. After going over 100mph the entire ride with the flashers on, we got to the hospital at around 9. We pulled up to the front and my husband and I went up while my mom parked the car. The women at the front asked me if I needed a wheelchair but there was no way I was getting trapped in one of those. We got in the elevators with two women who worked there they both looked at me but I must have had a certain look about me because they never said a word. As soon as we got off the elevator I grabbed a couch in the waiting room and moaned/screamed (I was trying to keep it down) and got everyone’s attention. We went to check in where I stood up leaning on the counter the women told my husband he could fill out the paperwork and I could just sign it. I heard the women on the phone saying “I have Mrs Pasley here she is one of Dr. Tate’s patients, shes VERY active” I wanted to laugh but then a contraction hit. I signed some of the papers and then Tracy walked up, she came over to me and when she saw me having a contraction she told me to wrap my arms around her neck and to lean on her. Finally a position that brought some relief, I managed to not scream while in the position. Then they started hassling me about needed to put the bracelet on and Tracy, Matt and my mom needing to check in. So we did those things and someone came to take me to triage. She said only 2 people could come back while they assessed to see if I was actually in labor, that time I did manage to laugh. We went to the room where the nurse told me to change into a gown but I told her I wanted to where my birthing skirt and she had no objection. She was really sweet about everything. I got in the bed to get hooked up and checked asking her to pause what she was doing during contractions. She checked me and said I was 7-8cms, I could not believe it. I thought maybe I can do this. After she left I stood up next to the monitor, I didn’t mind being monitored because I just wanted to stand right there and sway and then during contractions I would grab Tracy or Matt whoever was closer and just lean on them. I’m really not sure how long we were in there but I know I felt like I had to go to the bathroom and when I told the nurse she asked me to get in a wheelchair so she could get me to a L&D room quickly. I got in and it felt like she was running but the breeze felt wonderful. She wheeled us in to room 3 which happens to be my lucky number and Tracy told me it was where she attended a successful vaginal breech with Dr. Tate. By this point I really lose track of time and the order in which things happen but I know Dr. Tate came in and asked to check me. I asked if we could wait until after the contraction but he said he wanted to check me during a contraction to which I thought he must be some sort of sadist. He said I was an 8 with a bulging bag and I can’t remember if he said I was -2 or -1 but he said that the bag was holding the baby up. He told me I sounded pretty serious on the phone and I said either that or I was just being a baby right. I asked about the paracervical block and he said he could do it but it would have to be soon as my cervix was disappearing. I decided to get it because I thought maybe I could relax enough in order to have the energy to push because at this point I was feeling a little overwhelmed by how quickly everything was happening. He did one side of the PCB and I just felt the contraction on 1 side, he then did the other side and asked if it worked. I told him I knew I was having a contraction and he said “if you can calmly tell me you are having a contraction it is working.” He also asked about breaking my water in a bit and I told him I would probably let him when he came back later. To be honest I was so anxious to see if this baby would descend. He left the room and I laid through a couple more contractions before decided to get back up (thinking of Whitney’s video where she was dancing the baby down). I could now talk and I ate a preggy pop and something that Tracy gave me (I think some sort of energy gel). I remarked about how the pictures would be funny as I was standing there eating a sucker. Dr. Tate came back in after a while and asked to break my water I really felt completely at peace with it so he broke my water and I stood back up and as the fluid ran down my leg I smelled something that made me sick but thought it must be normal. I asked Tracy to quickly hand me a rag with lavender on it which had been helping me so much during my labor and really helped after the smell that almost made me sick. The contractions were definitely hurting again but it felt good to feel like I was working again without feeling completely out of my mind. Dr. Tate told me to squat and I told him I would after this contraction was over but he said well it won’t do any good then so after the contraction was over I squatted and my mom took a picture, I laughed and asked her to be sure and get my husband who was in the background eating some sort of granola or energy bar while I was in labor. I don’t really know how long it was but at some point (couldn’t have been too long at I think I started pushing at 11:15 or so after arriving to the hospital shortly after 9) I really started to feel like my body was pushing so I got into the bed and I was complete. I don’t really know what all happened but everything got ready for me to push. I started pushing whenever I felt the need and Dr. Tate counted and gave instructions which again is something I thought I wouldn’t want but in that moment I liked it. I was honestly still so scared because I had gotten to the pushing phase with my son and so I still was not convinced it was going to happen. One thing that I was terrified of was of the baby being posterior as I had thought my first son might have been. I heard Dr. Tate ask the resident what position the baby was in, I was terrified because I thought he was asking because the baby was posterior and he wanted her to recognize that. I could not hear what she said but then I heard him say that baby is perfectly OA and I’m not sure if you would have been able to tell looking at me but I definitely smiled on the inside. I pushed and pushed and pushed constantly asking if he was moving, I know I was probably getting on Dr. Tate’s nerves asking over and over again but with DS1 the nurse was sure to tell me after every push that he had not even moved so I just wanted to hear that he was coming down. Dr Tate and the resident chatted about random things while I pushed and it was oddly calming to me. Matt was holding one of my legs and Tracy was holding the other while my mom stood taking pictures. She actually got down and watched what was going on which I was amazed at because when I tried to show her videos of birth she said she felt light headed and nauseous. I remember looking at the clock and it was 12 on the dot and then I pushed what seemed like forever and looked again and it was 12:05 and I really wasn’t sure if this was ever going to end. Then Dr. Tate starting talking about hair and my mom started saying she could see him. Dr. Tate, according to my mom, gently pulled on the baby’s hair and looked at her and said I could just pull him out by his hair right now. Then when I was pushing it started to burn, originally I thought it was something that I just said it my head but apparently I exclaimed loudly that “IT BURNS IT BURNS” and then Dr. Tate said pant pant, pant I started panting and hearing him talk about getting the cord from around his neck and I thought “what his head is out???” I couldn’t believe it then he told me to push and more pain as I heard him say something about the shoulders and then relief. I asked for him and they put him up on my chest I started to cry I really couldn’t believe it. Everyone around me was talking but it all sounded like that teacher on Charlie brown. My husband went to get the video camera which we had forgotten to get out in all the commotion and Dr. Tate asked who wanted to cut the cord. I idea kind of grossed my husband out so my mom cut the cord. Everyone was talking about how the cord was more like a rope, apparently it was incredibly thick. After a minute they took the baby from me because he was grunting and he smelled awful so they were worried about infection. The resident began pushing on my stomach which hurt and I said “ow ow ow” then I pushed and the placenta came out and I felt complete relief. I said I wanted to see the placenta and my mom came over to look at it too and Tracy told her to take some pictures so I could look at them later. My mom has since asked everyone if they have seen a placenta and likes to show the pictures she was pretty amazed by it, especially when Dr. Tate held up the sac the baby was in. Dr. Tate said something about me bleeding so a nurse injected something into my leg to which I said “well why did I get this?” pointing to the hep lock they placed in my arm. Dr. Tate and the resident then stitched up my 2nd degree tear and the nurses told me the baby weighed 8lbs 12ozs to which Dr. Tate said he was proud of me for growing my pelvis since my 8lb 8oz son whom was too big to deliver. They gave me the baby back and I just started at him I really couldn’t believe he just came out of me. The nurse whom I think heads the nursery came over, Buffy, and explained to me they needed to take him to start an IV in case of infection and check him out. They took the baby and my husband went with them. I felt so at peace even though he was gone because I had gotten to hold him and see him first (something I didn’t get to do with my 1st son). After a minute I got up and got in a wheelchair and they wheeled me to postpartum room number 7. I really felt such a strange high and really just kind of loopy like I had had some sort of drugs. I got up to go to the bathroom and was still bleeding a lot I really couldn’t see straight and I forgot where I was and the nurse got the smelling salt to stop me from passing out. Even still I felt wonderful I got back into bed and they brought in my beautiful baby. I could not believe how much better I felt than after my c-section, it was/is amazing. The next day I got up and took a shower and felt like a new person and after my shower I looked in the mirror and saw my c-section scared and smiled because that scar helped make me a new stronger person. What I learned I learned that I am a lot stronger than I thought while pregnant I read the quote “we have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong” and now I don’t just believe women are strong I believe I am strong I learned that labor/birth is never going to happen the way you think but it can still be wonderful just sit back and enjoy the ride. Thanks Throughout this process there were many people that supported me and I really think they deserve some acknowledgement. Matthew-You supported me throughout all my rollercoaster of emotions and as I completely changed the way I felt about childbirth. You listened as I ranted about things that really don’t interest you and supported me through my provider changes. You were so wonderful throughout the beginning of pregnancy when I didn’t want to get out of bed and the end when I complained about all the pains. You were great during labor no matter how many times I snapped at you. I love you so very much! Mom- You listened to my worries and always encouraged me. You did better than I ever expected during labor and really amazed me. I am so glad you got to be a part of this with me and that you got to witness this miracle. Tracy-Thank you for all of the meetings where you sat in my living room and chatted for hours. The books, phone calls and encouragement were wonderful during this pregnancy. During labor you brought such a sense of calm and helped not just me but my husband and mother as well. Dr. Tate- Thank you for giving me a chance and taking me on as a patient later in pregnancy. Thank you for believing I could do this and giving me the chance to go into labor and birth my baby. You have changed not only my life but my whole family’s lives. ICAN ladies- Thank you for the support, the encouragement, the information, the companionship. I really do not think I would be here without everything I gained through ICAN and you ladies.